Max
Sometimes, I want a dog in the worst possible way, but then I remind myself that I can't have it all. I don't care what our modern culture promises, I'm here to tell you, you can't have it all either. If you choose one thing often that means you have to give up another. Sometimes, this keeps people from committing to a path altogether. So, they end up by default doing something that they never would have chosen. Except they did choose. By not making a choice, you've chosen to do nothing and what you're left with is often something you didn't want.
I've been having this conversation with myself during the entire pandemic. I've been dreaming of a dog, but at the same time, I've been planning future travel adventures. I don't know when I'll be able to travel again, but when it's okay to go, I've got any number of options percolating on the back burner. My apartment in Spain remains mine to use whenever I can return. That's a given. I want to see Iceland and cross the border of the Upper Peninsula into Canada. I want to go back to Ireland, Portugal and Italy and see Greece for the first time. I miss Scotland. I want to go to Thailand and meet my friend Barbara Weibel. I want to spend endless days in southern California with my daughter, driving to Palm Springs and enjoying the desert in bloom. Incidentally, she also has a wonderful dog named Annie and runs a pet care business. Yep! Our family loves dogs.
Palm Springs
I want a dog, too. I have to force myself to stop looking at dog pictures, dog videos, and checking the animal rescue shelters. I've been down this road before, wanting two conflicting things. It's unpleasant to tell you the truth. Yet, I know that I can't have it all. A dog, as sweet as it might be, comes with loads of responsibility and responsibility can curtail spontaneity and freedom. I know this. I've had pets, lots of pets before. I also had a career and all the responsibility that comes with that. By contrast, I retired at age 54, sold everything I owned and traveled the world for four years. Talk about freedom. I loved my career as well as vagabonding, but it would have been difficult to have both. I had to choose.
My daughter's dog, Annie
At the end of the day, I know that I have to make a choice. That life requires a commitment or else I might end up with something by default. My son and family just got a puppy. His name is Max. He's absolutely adorable. He comes to play in my backyard occasionally. Watching them with Max is an eye opener. I see their joy, but I also see how much repsonsibility Max can be. Did life provide me with an opportunity to rethink my wants and needs and redefine my choices? I see this little bundle of energy and I realize that could be me trying to housebreak Max. That could be me growing attached and feeling guilty when I wanted to take off into the wild blue yonder for a month or two. I know that I will want to return to the road eventually and then who takes care of my dog? How hard would it be for me to say goodby to him for long stretches?
Cordoba, Spain
Suddenly, I am jolted back to reality. I remember a little quote of mine that goes like this.
If there's an easy way to do something or a hard way, nine time out of ten, humans choose the hard way.
I might add, and then, we complain about it. It's as though we're hardwired to make life complicated for ourselves. I almost got a dog during this bizarre pandemic year. While self isolating, my mind was trying to trick me into making my life even harder. I refused to see it for what it was — my mind's relentless effort to sabotage my own freedom, but there you have it. Not that a dog in and of itself is a bad thing. On the contrary. A dog is a marvelous addition to a human's life. They are after all, man's best friend. No, there's nothing wrong with wanting a dog. In fact, I'm highly suspicious of people who don't like dogs. The problem with me wanting a dog is that I'm an adventurer at heart. I know that as long as I can walk upright without a cane, I'm going to want to wander from time to time. Knowing and accepting this about myself is key to my future happiness.
Dublin
So, this morning, I'm putting on my big girl pants. Yep. I'm taking off the rose colored glasses, too, and staring right into the face of reality. I'm making a choice. I won't be getting a dog. I will go back to the drawing board and plan my next travel adventure, instead. I'll commit myself to that choice knowing full well that the dog must wait — indefinitely. I'll be happy with my choice today because I understand that no matter what the modern world tells me — I can't have it all. Nope. I've gotta choose and if I refuse to choose, then that's a choice and I get what I get. Them's the rules. So, for the time being, I choose freedom over responsibility and adventure over a wriggling ball of fur and love. I'll just borrow Max or Annie when I need a dog kiss.
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